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It's Not a Job, It's a Vacation…

January 27, 2009


When I was earning plenty
I heard my agent say
‘Give sonnets, couplets, villanelles
But not your cash away;
Give limericks and light verse
But keep your cash at hand.’
But I was earning plenty
And didn’t understand.

When I was earning plenty
My agent said (in pain)
‘The cash out of the wallet
Is never seen again;
‘Tis vanished like the evening mist
Gone like the morning dew.’
Now I’m not earning plenty
And oh, ’tis true, ’tis true.

  1. MeltonMowbray permalink
    January 27, 2009 11:54 PM

    Blimey, you’re knocking them out fast. Picked up some dexys from some slag dahn vuh boozer I daresay. They’re pretty good too. Aren’t you going to put them on the blog?

  2. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 12:04 AM

    Nah…I just can’t stomach those fucking dimwit mods anymore.

  3. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 12:30 AM

    By the way, MM, have you seen Generation Kill, an Iraq war drama made by David Simon/Ed Burns, the makers of The Wire?

    If not, I’ll send down a copy (the whole thing’s only 6 1-hour episodes) on DVD with the books this week. I think you’ll enjoy it…

  4. parallax permalink
    January 28, 2009 11:25 AM

    misha – don’t be such a sook.* Your public cries out for you – don’t deny them yer versifications by depleting the poster-poem gene-pool.

    I get that you’re pissed off with GU mods (a clan of thousands I’d imagine) but your poems, surely, demand wider exposure (ok, maybe your blog will explode into a huge subscription base – but at the moment there’s me and MM reading your pomeposts – and shit, I can only guess about Mowbray, but we’re converts already). And anyway, won’t BM will feel snubbed? He’s a nice enough bloke – well better than that – he gave us a space to write and he supports us big time, and anyway I like him a lot.

    Mind you, have to admit I haven’t posted – no snub happening from my end of town – just that there’s nothing in my pipeline – I have no ‘poetry on poetry’ to offer atm. I’ve tried incantations to Bruise-Muse, but nada.

    *how do you do links here? just the normal html set up? I wanted to link ‘sook’ with the colloquial friendly dictionary definition

  5. parallax permalink
    January 28, 2009 12:20 PM

    ok – different perspective, I’ve just logged into the messiah Crum thread to find total mod white wash – what a fucking disaster – a once spikey thread now a limp facsimile for an audience force-fed with soma

  6. MeltonMowbray permalink
    January 28, 2009 12:31 PM

    Thanks for the DVD offer, which I’ll gladly take up. I’ve read quite a bit about it, and anything by D Simon has got to be worth a look. I think it’s coming out (for the first time) on satellite (which I don’t have) in the UK this week.

    I agree with Para on the PPoems thing. I think BM would be disappointed, and the products of your twisted mind need wider exposure, even if it’s just for evidential purposes.

  7. parallax permalink
    January 28, 2009 12:54 PM

    arrgh … too late … I’ve just told Crumble that his archness and his minders have wrecked GU books blog and everyone should fuck off elsewhere (that did include a link to your blog mishari) – but … no worries, give the comment a few minutes breathing space and before you know it, it’ll be moderated into oblivion.

    I’ll still be barracking* for Billy but*

    *coll0quial conversion needed etc

  8. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 1:04 PM

    I do feel a bit ambivalent about abandoning Bill and Carol, who’ve been good sports through thick and thin. It’s just that at my age, I can’t stand having my blood boiled on a regular basis by the stupidity of teenage fucking censors. It’s no longer tolerable.

    Sarah Crown’s arse-licking intervention is a good case in point. I mean, what has La Smeet ever fucking contributed to the book blogs to deserve the kid gloves?

  9. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 1:07 PM

    PS: para, it’s yer average html/copy and paste, I think. More than 3 links per post and you get held for moderation, although I might re-configure that…

  10. seanmurray permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:08 PM

    parallax —

    Good to see more GUers striking out on their own. Place has become an utter farce. Have you seen aciaccatura?:

    What’s the address of mishari’s?

    Re links:

    If you want to embed the link within the text of your comment, then (1) select the text, (2) this will mean you can then click the link icon on the top row of icons (above the eraser), (3) insert url where it says to do so.

    Welcome to the living hell of wordpress.

    Best of luck with this place.

  11. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 1:10 PM

    Sean, this is mishari’s…

  12. seanmurray permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:12 PM

    My apologies for the dumbness in the above post. I thought this was parallax’s joint.

  13. freepoland permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:20 PM

    I am going backwards
    Into the dark light
    And my trousers are on fire.
    (Sorry, the rest was deleted)

    Nice place, para.

  14. January 28, 2009 1:22 PM

    Hale and well met, Misha. I was looking forward to you setting up your blog. But pop over to wordy’s too and join in.

  15. parallax permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:22 PM

    my age? what are you on about artp? freep’s got a generation’s gap (at least in Jack Russell years) on you, and he’s still kicking arse.

  16. January 28, 2009 1:25 PM

    Where is parallax’s blog, BTW?

    I hope this is a more pome-y website than Wordy’s, that would differentiate it a little.

  17. January 28, 2009 1:26 PM

    And what about yours Freepoland?

  18. parallax permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:27 PM

    no, no, no, this is totally mishari’s abode – I just linked it on crum’s place as a better ‘elsewhere’

    oh-oh, sorry mish – should have checked with you first

  19. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 1:30 PM

    I predict that this blogging thing will take off. Mark my words, soon hundreds of people will have blogs. BTW, Sean and Isa, I hope you won’t mind my putting up links to your blogs? I won’t be offended if you’d rather i didn’t…

  20. January 28, 2009 1:31 PM

    Is it OK if I link Misha?

  21. January 28, 2009 1:31 PM


  22. BaronCharlus permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:32 PM

    So, death to Art
    Adwani reborn
    Let the swearing begin
    ‘Til we shame even porn

  23. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 1:33 PM

    Yes, indeed, Baron…the filth and the fury are what I’m after…the filthier and more furious, the better…

  24. January 28, 2009 1:34 PM

    Mishari welcome to your new blog.

    It would be a real pity if you abandoned the poetry threads completely. You bring a good humour and wit to the place. You say you don’t archive your stuff. Well you should – there are some gems in there.

    My reasons for wanting you to stay around are of course mainly selfish ones. I’m a lazy bastard with not enough time on my hands so having to visit a variety of sites is like too much man. But I’m glad you’ve been positive rather than throwing a diseased shroud over your head and continuing to attack the same target. Now there’s some tortured syntax to consider.

    I totally agree about the current state of GU. The McCrum blog was ridiculous. Encourages a brawl by posting a best of list then throws his hands up in shocked horror when it arrives, then people are indiscriminately picked off for inconsistent reasons. I actually felt sorry for Zadie Smith ( yes! ) There was a weary tone in her comment and the resigned feeling of not this again! Haven’t read any of her books but she doesn’t seem as egotistical as others.

  25. BaronCharlus permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:37 PM

    Must second the cries, Mish, that you not abandon PP altogether. You were one of the main reasons I got drawn in to begin with.

  26. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 1:38 PM

    You’re quite right, Al..I have no beef with La Smeet. I tried White Teeth but wasn’t much impressed, but as you say, the fault lies with McCrumbly. It was a lazy, glib article. I suppose he wrote it with one hand while filling out a betting slip with the other..

  27. freepoland permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:39 PM

    Whoops, misunderstood whose place this is. (Bows to mishari, restrains Jack Russell) (Wipes foot) (sniffs) Was directed here by another lover of doggerel, from down under. ISA, I don’t have a home. I wander through the electronic mall with my dog, uttering drivel.

    I was reading this silly thing about a bloke who thinks three writers are great, when some people started arguing, and then some of them were silenced and when I objected I was silenced as well, and I thought what’s the point ?

  28. seanmurray permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:39 PM

    Most certainly, mishari, and I shall of course reciprocate.

    Do I detect the approach of post-GU critical mass?

  29. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 1:41 PM

    The thing is Baron, (and I thank you all for the kind words) it’s reached the stage where I have no idea what’s acceptable and what’s not. For example, MM, freep, 3p4 and i had some fun with “lambent” on Carol’s thread and the posts all got “disappeared”, moving even Carol to protest. I mean, what’s the point?

  30. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 1:44 PM

    It’s amazing, innit? The imbeciles who run the Grauniad have managed to A.) turn a once singular site into a clone of millions of others and B.) alienate through leaden and arbitrary moderation most of the contributors who made it worth reading in the first place. Talk about self-sabotage…

  31. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 1:45 PM

    freep, is this a new dog? I mean, seeing as how you ate your last one…

  32. parallax permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:48 PM

    well my post (and link to mish’s blog) has already been deleted from McCrum’s sweaty writhings – so that was a pretty quick and fecund response – do you all have some sort of RSS feed beeper system for when there’s a movement in the grass on GU books blog neatly clipped lawn – is it the equivalent of a Jack Russell dog whistle response?

  33. freepoland permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:58 PM

    (Wipes chops) Nice of you to remember, mish, a poetical exchange we had about last autumn. No, the dogg is lying next to me as I write.

    I had posted a miscellany of stuff on Billy’s blog this week, but was missing some important readers, including yourself.

    You know, I had forgotten about the ‘lambent’ exchanges, which were harmless, but I realise they have just been disappeared. The GU kids have got it all very badly wrong; not just the censorship, which is just stupid, but the site design. Eg, the only other thread I visit apart from the Books blog is one (idiotically) called Joe Public, where some good pieces by an ex-con called Erwin James sometimes appear, and once upon a time there were some debates – usually liberals versus hangers and floggers – but you could feel that informed posters were sometimes getting an upper hand. Well, those posts are now far more difficult to find (If you wanted to chat about prisons, why go to ‘Joe Public’?) and when you do find them, they are empty. There are other examples, which almost all privilege (sorry) the contributor and treat comment with contempt. Billy’s and Carol’s just about keep a civilised and energetic flow of ideas, but it’s certain that a few more spats (which are inevitable, given some of the prickly people who have Opinions) and the supply of interesting and interested posters will dry up.

    I don’t want to say much more about this; would you like some doggerel?

  34. seanmurray permalink
    January 28, 2009 1:59 PM

    And it’s become just so bloody unfunny. The whole point of litblogs for me is that they’re less tame and mealy-mouthed and pro-industry than yer regular landfill lit journalism.

    Anyway, post-GU sites like this are obviously the solution — nay, the Future!

  35. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 2:09 PM

    Yes, please, freep…you’ve often left me speechless with admiration and I expect you will again. It’s a useful goad to my own lackadaisical efforts…

    Exactly, Sean…the book blogs used to be a haven of intelligent but palyful debate, sometimes spilling over into acrimony but no worse for that. Apparently, what’s required now is a sort of tea-party of exchanged “mwah-mwah, darling, you’re too, too marvellous” combined with servile fore-lock tugging. These things are completely alien to my nature as I suspect they are evryone else here…

    As you say, this is the Future…

  36. freepoland permalink
    January 28, 2009 2:20 PM

    …not to mention an obsession with Lists and Prizes.
    ‘My best 4000 elegies that begin with the letter H.’
    ‘Congratulations to the winner of the Bishop Auckland Under-12s short story prize, but Candice’s effort was well worth reading too, here’s a hanky.’

  37. January 28, 2009 2:26 PM

    Listsd don’t start me on lists freep.

    In fact I have a list of my 100 worst lists here.

  38. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 2:35 PM

    I dunno if you ever saw them, Al, but in the late 70’s early 80’s there were a number of volumes of Books of Lists, (written or compiled, rather, by the sons and daughters of popular novelist Irving Wallace). GThey sold hugely and were actually quite diverting.
    On GU, however, they just seem to be a lazy way of putting up a weak scaffolding for an ugly building…

  39. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 2:47 PM

    BTW, freep (and anyone else)..any verse you post will get posted properly with a picture from my vast collection of weird images (mostly Polish posters, for which I have a powerful affection)…

  40. January 28, 2009 2:51 PM

    A list has its place but as soon as you start compiling lists of the best ofs or worst ofs you miss things out, you start a fight between supporters and the art becomes seen as if its part of a competition – Joan Miro makes Juan Gris look like Enid Blyton – if you only see one Czechoslavakian stop-motion animation make sure it’s this one and so on and so forth.

    Plus when it actually is a competition you also get those post-prize blogs where one of the judges tells you how heart-breaking it was to choose a winner.

    I’m not a cynic by nature but I wish they could do something not connected with trying to shift product. Even if I like some of the product.

  41. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 2:57 PM

    I suppose they like them because they’re entirely subjective. No-one can really prove one list is any more or less correct than another.

    Compile a list of the worlds longest rivers or highest mountains and there’s really no dispute. A list of the best writers of the last 25 years or the best novels? Hmmmm…

  42. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 3:03 PM

    Love the Whalley Range pig, by the way, Al…

  43. 3p4 permalink
    January 28, 2009 3:04 PM

    these satellite blogs should have names like
    plymouth rock and botany bay

    if i should post a poem i would like a Kiwi Neutral
    image,,since i know all the Brasso images are probably reserved for the house,,and i hate the
    smell of Pledge

  44. parallax permalink
    January 28, 2009 3:06 PM

    just an aside – and for those who remember – Michele has just posted a new update on the thedoggerelsbollocksblog – linked, by Mish on this site, as cynicalsteve

  45. January 28, 2009 3:08 PM

    Why thank you very much. Had no idea my web-site followed me around. Gawd.

    Incidentally whatever happened to fmk? Is he now a different username or has he gone missing in action? I always enjoyed his comments.

  46. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 3:12 PM

    I’ll poip over and say hello, para…thanks for the tip. Yes, I’ve often wondered what’s become of FMK, who I always enjoyed engaging with…let’s hope he resurfaces..

    3p4, you get the image I give you and like it…

  47. 3p4 permalink
    January 28, 2009 4:35 PM

    you get the image I give you and like it…

    so far the images at the top of each thread have
    been every bit as clever as your words,,as a graphic artist of many years standing i must say i am very impressed with your LOLposters,,

  48. Captain Ned permalink
    January 28, 2009 8:49 PM

    Hello. Good luck with this, Mishari; I hope it turns out well. I understand your frustration with the mods – they can be really bovine sometimes. The instance that had me spluttering in disbelief was when your couplet about Melton’s wife’s knockers was censored. One might have expected a moderator to be familiar enough with the blog he/she was being employed to moderate to be aware of the history of light-hearted banter between you two, and to be sensible enough to treat the ditty accordingly. But such expectations are unrealistic, apparently. Heigh-ho.

    I wonder if a deleted post has ever been reinstalled after protests? Or is it Sarah Crown’s policy that fallibility should never be admitted, nor queries ever answered with satisfactory explanations, no matter how reasonable the objections?

    Having said that, I hope that, in time, you’ll feel able to wander back to the GU site occasionally; it will certainly be much the poorer for your absence. And if you don’t, you’ll be handing the swine an undeserved victory.

  49. mishari permalink*
    January 28, 2009 9:00 PM

    Nice to see you Cap’n. I hope you’ll grace us with your presence and verse more often.

    In fact, the Grauniad make it a ploicy never, ever to admit to a mistaken call. That’s part of the problem. The mods are unaccountable. There’s no point in protesting. Your protest will be deleted. Freep’s perfectly civil, mild and on-topic remarks got chopped from McCrumbly’s thread.

    It’s one thing deleting long-time troubl-makers like me, but freep? Nah, the only avenue of protest open to me is to shun the stupid bastards. 2 Years ago, the book blogs were a delight, now they’re shite. Time to go…

  50. Captain Ned permalink
    January 28, 2009 9:45 PM

    Well, I have just posted a long expression of my irritation on the McCrummy blog. Here it is, in case Sarah Crown does sit on it, as I fear she will:

    (I’ve given the Cap’n’s full post the prominence I feel it deserves, complete with groovy image–mishari)

  51. freepoland permalink
    January 29, 2009 9:33 PM

    A fellow can only stand so much. Civil? Mild? Polite? By Gox, mish, you’ve done it now. I’m going to walk my Vicious Jack Russell down to the riverside and compose something … something … rash. yes, that’s it, I’m going to post a rash and something beginning with V poem on your jolly impudent and swaggering website. That’ll teach you, and then you’ll know that I’m actually extremely bold and I read the Beano. And I bet Pongo can’t catch shrews.

  52. Parisa permalink
    January 31, 2009 5:34 AM

    I have to agree with others here – ie Misha, the Baron & MM etc that the disappearance of comments (ie the lambent ones) was unnecessary & daft. But with regards your poetry, Misha, it will be a crime that it’s not getting a viewing! Plus there really should be some way of getting them out there. I haven’t read the Mcrumb/Zadie Smith thread yet – I gather it’s that – but like her work – I cannot even imagine what was disappeared there – oh well.

Comments are closed.