We Are Not Amused
A democracy is a government in the hands of men of low birth, no property, and vulgar employments.
It becomes an emperor to die standing.
—Titus Flavius Vespasian
Democracy, such as it is, is broken. That much is plain. What hope could we have placed in a system that required every citizen to be able to distinguish between a sound monetary policy and a catastrophic one? Between a sensible health policy and a pernicious one? The mass of the populace can’t distinguish butter from margarine, for Christ’s sake.
No, my friends, it just won’t wash anymore. We need change. Not picayune, tinkering changes. The plane is nose-diving toward a mountain. Sending round the drinks-trolley isn’t going to cut it.
While Alistair Dalek dithers about setting the lawyers on Fred Goodwin (Fred stays rich and the lawyers get richer. Brilliant) the rest of the nation goes tits up and is being asked to smile while doing it. The banking crisis is costing the taxpayer almost 1 trillion pounds when one takes into account the toxic assets that are being taken onto the government’s (ie, the taxpayer’s) books.
To put that in perspective, let me quote Hansard:
Mr. Donohoe: What will the NHS budget be in 2009-10?
Mr. Bradshaw: The total NHS plan expenditure for 2009-10 is £102,642 million. This is as set out in the NHS Departmental Report 2008.
In other words, the cost of bailing out crooked and incompetent bankers is almost the cost of running the NHS for 10 years. Democracy has failed us. It’s time for a benevolent autocracy.
I propose that I be made Emperor by popular acclaim. All in favour, raise your hands. Unanimous. Ah…except for Mowbray. My Praetorian Guard will be paying Citizen Mowbray the old surprise visit shortly. Now, as to my title…
Mishari The Just, Mishari The Wise…The Terrible, The Grim, The Magnificent…nah…all been done.
Let’s go with Mishari, Intergalactic Lizard Emperor, Calmer of Storms, Scourge of the Wicked, Succor of the Poor, Lord of the Horizon, Light of This World and The Next…yes, that’ll do.
Could I really be worse than the mendacious, thieving, spineless, amoral scum we’ve got now? Impossible.
Here’s a foretaste of the Al-Adwani Imperium
I will be entertaining petitions from my devoted subjects here.
All together now, “May you live a thousand years, Your Imperial Majesty”…and if you don’t behave yourselves, I just might.